in memory of

Every death is tragic, but somehow the ending of a life of a young, talented person, trying to make a difference in the world, seems far more horrific. For those of you who don want be sad, stop reading and close this page because this will I believe be the saddest blog I have ever written. To the rest of you, hopefully I will communicate some sort of meaning and perhaps and encouragement through the memory of a life.
Emily Balog died in a car accident this last Sunday morning. She was a Community Economic Development Peace Corps Volunteer here in Paraguay. She was in her mid-twenties and had about nine more months left in her service. I did not know her well so I don’t believe it correct of me to speak of her life, who she was, and what she did. I nonetheless am in mourning along with the rest of Peace Corps Paraguay. It may seem strange that I mourn the loss of a so-called “acquaintance,” someone I barely knew, but she was far more than just that. Without knowing the details of her life, I can tell you that she and I had much in common. Both of us willingly gave up 27 months of our lives to move to a foreign country to try to improve the lives of those less fortunate. We both struggled to adapt and integrate into this culture and learn the language and customs. No matter the difference in our sectors or our projects, I know we had similar struggles and similar victories. We both lived with Paraguayan families and learned to make deep relationships with people so different from us, eat their food, share their customs, and learn a mutual respect. I believe that she, like me had learned to love this county and the people in, despite our mountainous troubles here. The list of commonalties is long but comes down to this: she was a fellow Peace Corps Volunteer in my country at the same time. I don’t believe this bond can be well described or understood unless you are a PCV. The ties of this relationship run deep and volunteers become a sort of family as soon as they swear in to their service. We may not all know each other, but there is a sense of duty we have to each other, very frequently more pressing or fundamental than other duties we might have in our sites or to other Paraguayans. This was apparent I think at Emily’s memorial service. Volunteers traveled from all over the country on very short notice just to be here. In fact, there were more people present that night than when the Director of Peace Corps came from Washington D.C. to Asuncion to celebrate the bicentennial. I assume as well that though not as impactful, Peace Corps Volunteers and Returned Peace Corps Volunteers all over the world who have heard about this unimaginable event are deeply saddened at the loss of one of their own.
And I know her death is being mourned by far more than just Peace Corps. The news of Emily’s death was breaking news here and though I was already informed, I had people calling me and showing up at my house to make sure I knew that a friend passed away, the minute the morning news was on. Even still, every person I run into in site asks about her, mentions her family and looks at me with sad and understanding eyes. Paraguayans have a fairly good grasp on death and the cycle of life because life moves so much slower and people often die so much earlier than they should. This death though affected them differently. As one volunteer said, in a country where family is so integral, most Paraguayans can not comprehend why and how we would leave our families in the United States for such a long time. Without having to explain anything, they all know that regardless of how close I was to Emily, I am still mourning her death because she is, in my host mom’s words, “de la misma sangre” (of the same blood). The Paraguayans who know other volunteers mourn for us because even if they can’t understand it, they know it is a tragic loss for all of us. They she was far away from her family and they mourn for the family members because they can not fathom having a child or sibling so far away from them. Truly, all of Paraguay is mourning the loss of Emily.
It is impossible for me to imagine the feeling of senseless loss felt by her friends and family back home, would I presume describe it. But I also have friends and family in the United States and I know how deeply they care about me. Though I would never pretend to understand the feelings of Emily’s family right now, I know it is safe to assume that her death is being mourned by all Peace Corps Volunteer parents, siblings, and friends alike, for they too know someone far away in a distant land and are eagerly awaiting their return.
How do you sum up a life, especially one that ended all too soon and was so full and meaningful? I don’t know how they did it, but those closest to Emily prepared a memorial service in two days. It was a beautiful as it was sad but I think it honored and celebrated Emily’s life incredibly well. They shared how she was a beautiful person inside and out, how she loved well and was loved well, how she had meaningful work in site, how she had a sense of humor, and how difficult this present time and future months will be for them. I don’t believe she will ever be forgotten by Peace Corps Paraguay.