Thursday, September 23, 2010

Raindrops keep falling on my head

This is not just a figure of speech or a mere song title, it is in fact a reality for me. My house is made of wood and I have a metal roof, which doesn’t give me as much protection from the elements as I would like. When it’s windy, the wind seems to enter on one side of my house and blow right through to the other side. I actually have some holes in my walls big enough to look outside and see stuff. When it rains, the noise of the rain is multiplied when it hits the metal roof.
Last night it rained and when it rains in Paraguay, it rains hard with full on lightning so bright it lights up your room and thunder so loud you feel like it’s cracking right outside your door… sometimes even inside your door. I spent half of the night awake, listening to the thunder and wondered how my dog could sleep so soundly through all the noise. The only time she even budged was when there was a crack of thunder so loud I could have sworn a bolt of lightning hit something in my front yard. She popped her head up as if there was a predator invading the house but then settled right back down when she realized the noise wasn’t continuous. I then dragged her across half the bed so that she could sleep closer to me. This wasn’t because the thunder and lightning scares me (although it definitely did my first month or so here) but I just felt like I could sleep more peacefully with her next to me in the midst of all the racket. That didn’t happen. Besides the constant noise of the rain and thunder that I had to block out, my dog insisted on taking up half of the bed, stretching herself out fully to sleep nice and relaxed while I was politely pushed to the side of the bed.
It was about that time when I felt a drop of water on my face. I figured this was a good time as any to get out of bed and figure out what was going on since I apparently wasn’t getting any sleep anyway. I turned on my light and got a good look around my room, surveying the damage. The leak above my bed wasn’t all that serious, I just had to deal with a drop of water or two falling about every 15 minutes or so when it’s raining really hard. There were however other problems that I became aware of with my light on. There were three small puddles on my floor from leaks in the roof, but fortunately, none of them were in problematic spots or large enough to be a real problem. I turned around again to get back in bed and I got a good look at my walls. For any of you who weren’t already aware, wood is not waterproof. This means that when there is rain and any kind of wind, the rain gets slammed into my walls… and then soaks through to the inside of my house. I now have water spots all over my walls, and in a few places, leaking down to the floor. This isn’t so problematic except that my bed is located right next to the wall, thus my blanket and sheet are susceptible to getting wet. I moved my bed a few inches away from the wall just to be safe. As there was nothing else I could do, I crawled back under the covers, shoved my dog over so that I could at least have half of the bed, and eventually fell back asleep listening to the rain and thunder with the occasional drop of rain on my face.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

When your no means yes and your yes means maybe

I often have trouble communicating with Paraguayans. Part of it is the whole language thing. I’m close enough to fluency in Spanish, but they mix their Spanish with Guarani, and when they speak to each other they typically only speak Guarani which I still haven’t quite got the hang of. Another aspect to this difficulty with communication is that they talk differently. They say funny things like, “veni un poco” (come a little) or announce what they are doing, “ja’u” (we eat… as if I didn’t already know that we were eating). They like to say redundant things as if they were informing you of something you weren’t aware of, like “okyhína” (it’s raining), or ask questions that we both know they already know the answer to. “Empa’apohína,” (you’re working?) they ask me, and I want to respond with something sarcastic like, “nope, I’m just standin’ in my front yard with my rake and machete trying to look like I’m doing something.” But instead, I respond with, “Hee, che guapa” (yes, I’m guapa).
Another problem I have with communication is that if they don’t like my answer to their question, they keep pushing until they get an answer they like better. “Do you want to play volleyball?” they ask me. “No, I’m tired,” I say, pleading silently with my eyes for them not to ask me again. I actually am tired and would really rather just go into my house and make myself dinner or sit and read, but since I live right next to the volley cancha, I feel rude ignoring everyone and being anti-social. I’m not exactly sure why, but I’ve discovered that I hate volleyball. It’s not because I don’t know how to play (which I don’t), because they don’t know how to play either. I just don’t find it entertaining to jump up and down trying to hit a ball over a net only to have it come right back at me. Put it on the ground and let me kick it and run into people accidentally in the name of futbol, and I’m good to go. But volleyball, no thanks. Apparently my feigned tiredness doesn’t convince them. “Oh come on, just a little bit,” they ask again. “No,” I say again, “I don’t know how to play.” This is also somewhat of a lie. I actually do know how to play, I’m just not all that good at it and being the prideful person that I am, I typically don’t enjoy anything that I’m not good at. They respond with, “but it’s just for fun, veni!” “Yah, fun for who?” I think. But I’m out of excuses, so I obediently go stand in front of the net, not moving for a full 5 minutes while I sleepily watch my teammates rush to wack the ball. The two times I actually did hit the ball in the entire game proved to everyone watching that I did know, mas o menos, what I was doing out there, but I’m not sure anyone caught on that I had been forced into playing.
Ok, so maybe I wasn’t really forced that time, but I really have been all but forced (sometimes literally) into several uncomfortable situations. It seems they don’t understand the word “no.” By using the word “no” several times followed by some lame excuses, I have gotten myself trapped into going to painfully terrible fiestas as well as other social engagements, dancing with drunk men, eating more food than my stomach can handle, eating greasy food and unidentifiable parts of meat, having awkward conversations with older men, drinking wine and coke when I preferred the whiskey, staying far later for a “visit” than I ever expected or wanted, accepting to take home more food than I know I can eat before it goes bad, as well as many other awkward, painful, or dreaded situations that I don’t care to remember. I don’t even know how to get myself out of these situations most of the time. There were times when I gave excuse after excuse of why I didn’t want to do something and it was like they didn’t hear any of it… even when I actually had valid excuses. They really just don’t listen, and once they have it in their mind that you should do something, that’s it whether you like it or not.
On the other hand, if I am agreeing to something in the future, whether it be tomorrow or next week, it is perfectly acceptable for me to say yes and then back out at the last minute. I’m still not sure why they think this is an acceptable way for society to function, but they think that saying no at the last minute (or just straight up not showing up) will hurt your feelings less that just saying no in the first place. A few weeks ago, I agreed to go to a high school event in a nearby pueblo to get to know the school a little better and meet a few of the teachers. This was also supposed to be followed up by me spending the night at one of the teachers houses so that I could teach his daughter English in the few hours I was there and take home one of their kittens that they didn’t want. I by the way got into this situation by saying “no,” but that didn’t work and I ended up promising all of the above. The day before the event, I found out that it was my recent host dad’s birthday and the whole family was getting together to celebrate. The celebration included killing their pig (I know love pig asado) and making sopa. Being that it was a family event, I said I would come and spend the day with them and eat some delicious pig asado. I now was double booked and of course preferred spending the day hanging out with my family than going to some awkward high school event and spending the night with people I didn’t know and then being forced into adopting a cat that I didn’t want. I didn’t have his number, so I text a friend so that she could text the teacher and inform him that I no longer could come. While this might seem a bit evasive, I felt absolutely no qualms in having someone else communicate for me at the last minute that I was bailing. Besides, I really did have a good excuse this time. That’s just the Paraguayan way and people expect you to act like that. I often find it frustrating trying to communicate this way and would really prefer straight up honesty. But, unfortunately, I often have to conform to Paraguayan ways in order to get by. So this is what I have figured out: when you say “no,” they won’t listen and will insist until you change your answer to “yes.” When you say “yes,” you have every right to back out up until the last minute even if you have a very lame excuse. “Yes,” means “maybe,” which often translates to “no.” Somehow I find this way of communication a bit backward.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

a few lessons i have learned

I have already been in site for over 4 months now and I have my tri-yearly meeting with my bosses in Asuncion this week. Two weeks prior to coming in, I had to fill out a report basically giving statistics on what I had done in the last few months and what I have learned. While writing down numbers and giving data sometimes makes me feel like I actually am doing something, I found myself more interested in reflecting on what I’ve learned these past several months. While this is not a complete list, nor is it all included in the report I sent to Asuncion, I thought I would share some of my reflections and lessons with you.
• Be purposeful in doing things to make you happy. While being depressed sometimes seems an easier choice, staying active and involved is much more fulfilling both for me and for other people.
• Dogs are capable of having separation anxiety issues (aka my dog).
• There are moths that exist that are bigger than my hand.
• While spiders might be frightening, they do not “get you,” and I don’t need to call for help every time I see one… except for the poisonous ones… those are dangerous.
• I am an introvert. I need my time and space to be alone… lots of it!
• Despite my aggressive and take-charge attitude, I am very often shy.
• Listening to people speak in another language can be exhausting even if I am not participating.
• Food and drink always make conversation go easier. They are universal topics and a great way to bond with people. If you want to be aquaintances with people, share a drink. If you want to be friends with people, cook with them and share food.
• Sitting in silence is not a bad thing.
• Old wooden houses have LOTS of cobwebs and just when you think you have cleared them all out, they magically reappear.
• Trust people less but love them more.
• In English when we want to get out of a commitment but don’t want to say no, we say “maybe.” In Paraguay when you want to get out of a commitment but don’t’ want to say no, you can say, “later,” “tomorrow,” “in between now and tomorrow,” or even “yes” as well as several other evasive phrases. Almost always, people know exactly what you mean.
• There are days when the last thing I want to do is leave my house and go talk to people. I have learned that on those days, that is exactly what I need to do to make myself feel better.
• Both rich people and poor people waste resources and money, they just do it in different ways.
• I can go without much more than I thought was possible.
• Banana peels on the floors of city busses are a very bad idea.
• When it is 5 degrees Celsius outside and your house has very little protection from the elements, bathing is a painful event that is very rarely worth the suffering.
• I can function without an addiction to coffee. I am however, a much more energetic and happy person when I do get my morning cup(s) of liquid happiness.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

mas fotos!

I have put up pictures of my house and a few others. I'm still in the process of trying to clean everything up and make it look lindo, so the "after" pictures are still on their way.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

21 and ready for retirement

Before I got to Paraguay and during training, I had a few people tell me that Peace Corps was kind of like retirement. I laughed with them and privately thought to myself that people were just lazy and lacked motivation to make things happening and silently promised myself that I would fill every day with work and never lack motivation. I seriously misjudged them. Peace Corps really does feel like retirement sometimes, and it’s not really for lack of motivation, but simply because that’s just the way the culture works. I have never in my life felt that I had so little to do and simultaneously felt like I had too much to do. I have also never in my life been so purposeful in keeping myself happy.
Every day I have quiet time to myself that I usually spend reading or writing. I also try everyday to do something to “fix up the house” whether that’s spending a couple hours raking the ever abundant supply of leaves, starting a compost pile machete down some overgrown weeds, or buying a table. I tell myself that even if I can do something simple like that, I have accomplishes something that day. I go to community events partly because I feel like that’s part of my job, and partly because it’s something to do. I spend many afternoons visiting with neighbors, complaining about the weather, gossiping about what the other neighbors are doing, and sometimes just sitting in silence. I have a dog partly to make me feel safe at night, but mostly for the company. Every few days I like to find a new recipe and try something new, or just experiment with something I already know how to do. I always have either one or two books that I’m in the middle or reading and every time I go into Asuncion/Peace Corps library, I pick up a few more to supply myself for the next month. I typically go to bed between 9:30 and 10 and usually get up at 6. If I sleep in until 7, I feel like I’m being lazy. On extremely cold days I typically sleep in later than normal and read more than normal because it’s “too cold to do anything.” My work consists of working in the schools and organizing and motivating community groups and events which means that my personal and professional life are basically the same thing and there is little separation between the two.
I keep pictures on my fridge to remind me of the people I love. Every couple of days I pick wildflowers while walking back to my house because they make me happy. I do everything I can to keep my house clean, organized, and a comfortable environment and have many plans on improvements. There are many days when I don’t feel like leaving the house and on those days I know that’s exactly what I need to do to make myself feel better. I go for a walk or go visit someone that I like (I don’t like everyone in my community) and I always leave feeling happier and more connected. I stay as connected to my friend and family back in the states without making myself feel like I should be there instead of here and I continually keep myself plugged in to my community here. When I have a really bad day, I call a Peace Corps friend because they are really the only people can fully understand what I’m going through or I text my mom to call me because somehow mom always makes it better… even thousands of miles away. Even though some of it is involuntary, I always have plenty of exercise, usually averaging over an hour of walking ever day.
I’m not sure what I’ll do when I finally go back home and have a “9 to 5” with an actual schedule. I find it quite relaxing and pleasant living like this even though sometimes I feel like what I’m doing is more normal for a 60 year old than a 21 year old. I will enjoy my “pre-tirement” while it lasts and read as many books, pick as many flowers, make as many new friends, try as many new recipes, and attend as many community events as possible.