When your no means yes and your yes means maybe

I often have trouble communicating with Paraguayans. Part of it is the whole language thing. I’m close enough to fluency in Spanish, but they mix their Spanish with Guarani, and when they speak to each other they typically only speak Guarani which I still haven’t quite got the hang of. Another aspect to this difficulty with communication is that they talk differently. They say funny things like, “veni un poco” (come a little) or announce what they are doing, “ja’u” (we eat… as if I didn’t already know that we were eating). They like to say redundant things as if they were informing you of something you weren’t aware of, like “okyhína” (it’s raining), or ask questions that we both know they already know the answer to. “Empa’apohína,” (you’re working?) they ask me, and I want to respond with something sarcastic like, “nope, I’m just standin’ in my front yard with my rake and machete trying to look like I’m doing something.” But instead, I respond with, “Hee, che guapa” (yes, I’m guapa).
Another problem I have with communication is that if they don’t like my answer to their question, they keep pushing until they get an answer they like better. “Do you want to play volleyball?” they ask me. “No, I’m tired,” I say, pleading silently with my eyes for them not to ask me again. I actually am tired and would really rather just go into my house and make myself dinner or sit and read, but since I live right next to the volley cancha, I feel rude ignoring everyone and being anti-social. I’m not exactly sure why, but I’ve discovered that I hate volleyball. It’s not because I don’t know how to play (which I don’t), because they don’t know how to play either. I just don’t find it entertaining to jump up and down trying to hit a ball over a net only to have it come right back at me. Put it on the ground and let me kick it and run into people accidentally in the name of futbol, and I’m good to go. But volleyball, no thanks. Apparently my feigned tiredness doesn’t convince them. “Oh come on, just a little bit,” they ask again. “No,” I say again, “I don’t know how to play.” This is also somewhat of a lie. I actually do know how to play, I’m just not all that good at it and being the prideful person that I am, I typically don’t enjoy anything that I’m not good at. They respond with, “but it’s just for fun, veni!” “Yah, fun for who?” I think. But I’m out of excuses, so I obediently go stand in front of the net, not moving for a full 5 minutes while I sleepily watch my teammates rush to wack the ball. The two times I actually did hit the ball in the entire game proved to everyone watching that I did know, mas o menos, what I was doing out there, but I’m not sure anyone caught on that I had been forced into playing.
Ok, so maybe I wasn’t really forced that time, but I really have been all but forced (sometimes literally) into several uncomfortable situations. It seems they don’t understand the word “no.” By using the word “no” several times followed by some lame excuses, I have gotten myself trapped into going to painfully terrible fiestas as well as other social engagements, dancing with drunk men, eating more food than my stomach can handle, eating greasy food and unidentifiable parts of meat, having awkward conversations with older men, drinking wine and coke when I preferred the whiskey, staying far later for a “visit” than I ever expected or wanted, accepting to take home more food than I know I can eat before it goes bad, as well as many other awkward, painful, or dreaded situations that I don’t care to remember. I don’t even know how to get myself out of these situations most of the time. There were times when I gave excuse after excuse of why I didn’t want to do something and it was like they didn’t hear any of it… even when I actually had valid excuses. They really just don’t listen, and once they have it in their mind that you should do something, that’s it whether you like it or not.
On the other hand, if I am agreeing to something in the future, whether it be tomorrow or next week, it is perfectly acceptable for me to say yes and then back out at the last minute. I’m still not sure why they think this is an acceptable way for society to function, but they think that saying no at the last minute (or just straight up not showing up) will hurt your feelings less that just saying no in the first place. A few weeks ago, I agreed to go to a high school event in a nearby pueblo to get to know the school a little better and meet a few of the teachers. This was also supposed to be followed up by me spending the night at one of the teachers houses so that I could teach his daughter English in the few hours I was there and take home one of their kittens that they didn’t want. I by the way got into this situation by saying “no,” but that didn’t work and I ended up promising all of the above. The day before the event, I found out that it was my recent host dad’s birthday and the whole family was getting together to celebrate. The celebration included killing their pig (I know love pig asado) and making sopa. Being that it was a family event, I said I would come and spend the day with them and eat some delicious pig asado. I now was double booked and of course preferred spending the day hanging out with my family than going to some awkward high school event and spending the night with people I didn’t know and then being forced into adopting a cat that I didn’t want. I didn’t have his number, so I text a friend so that she could text the teacher and inform him that I no longer could come. While this might seem a bit evasive, I felt absolutely no qualms in having someone else communicate for me at the last minute that I was bailing. Besides, I really did have a good excuse this time. That’s just the Paraguayan way and people expect you to act like that. I often find it frustrating trying to communicate this way and would really prefer straight up honesty. But, unfortunately, I often have to conform to Paraguayan ways in order to get by. So this is what I have figured out: when you say “no,” they won’t listen and will insist until you change your answer to “yes.” When you say “yes,” you have every right to back out up until the last minute even if you have a very lame excuse. “Yes,” means “maybe,” which often translates to “no.” Somehow I find this way of communication a bit backward.