I think I’ve finally arrived

This weekend we went in small groups to do a “tech-overnight” which meant for me that my group built two fogóns (brick ovens) at a current volunteers site. As we were driving there through the Paraguayan countryside, I was looking at the infinite greenness of the trees and plants that I have come to appreciate so much more than when I first came here, contrasted with the bright red dirt that lines the road. I saw signs flash by, not in my first language, but in a language that I am slowly beginning to understand more. As the scenery flashed by, I all of a sudden had this crazy thought: I’m living in Paraguay, in South America… for two years! It’s actually happening now and I know one day I will look back on the years I spent in this country, probably missing it in many ways, but the thing is, it’s happening in this moment.

I know I’ve already been here for a month, but it has only been recently that I have started to feel at home in this strange, green, sub-tropical country. Recently, I have not felt so strange waking up to hearing roosters crowing and cows mooing and seeing my clothes piled on a chair next to my suitcases (both function as my dresser). I’ve gotten comfortable walking into strange people’s houses and having them immediately jump up to get me a chair and offer me tereré. Today I peed in a hole in the ground that the family uses as a latrine and it didn’t freak me out at all. I took a bucket bath while I was at the volunteer’s site this weekend, and I actually felt like I knew exactly what I was doing. I have also had spiders half the size of my palm crawl into my room and somehow I killed them without totally freaking out and for any of you who have heard of my past stories with spiders, you understand what an accomplishment this was for me. It no longer weirds me out that my sisters interrogate me about my outfit when I go to any special event and for the most part, I humor them and let them tell me what I can and can’t wear to those events. I am also no longer having minor panic attacks when I see my mom start a fire with a plastic bag and just tell myself that people in the states are making more carbon footprints with their cars and electricity than my host mom is by using her plastic trash to start her fire. Although I still don’t like the feeling, I have gotten used to being stared at almost everywhere I go, particularly when I’m doing something they haven’t seen before and I am able to resist the urge of staring back. This weekend I helped build a fogón for a real Paraguayan family and whether I use my now perfected brick-laying skills in my two years of service, there is now tangible evidence that I did something in this country. Sometime this week I had a breakthrough in Spanish and I really can’t give you an exact moment, but I realized I wasn’t working so hard to communicate certain things and I could say others without even thinking.

Of course, I have a language interview again in a few days to test where my language skills are at and I could walk out of there feeling like I couldn’t say anything I wanted to in Spanish, but I think I’m going to hit many of those moments over the next two years. Just when I feel like I’ve begun to master one thing like Spanish, I will have to start all over on something else, like starting to learn Guarani. I also have not yet encountered a tarantula, and might possibly scream and run if I see one, but at least I’ve mastered the art of killing the “medium” sized spiders. In two months, I will have to move into a new community and go through all the feelings of being the stranger all over again. Maybe next week I’ll be frustrated with not being able to speak Guarani and might run away from a spider, but this week for the first time since I’ve been here, I feel like I have really and truly arrived.